Nothing teaches us more about ourselves than being in a relationship with another. When things aren't working out the way we'd like them to, our initial reaction is to blame the other person. After blaming them, we then want to let them know in no uncertain terms how we feel and how we want them to be. However, instead of creating a change, we only create more anger, frustration, separation and discontent.
But, what would you say if I told you it only takes you to make your relationship work?
Say what? Yes, you heard correctly. But before I go any further, let me make it clear that if you're in an abusive relationship, then it is likely best to just get out.
What I'm about to share with you are three powerful secrets that will greatly increase the joy factor in your relationship, and get you more of what you want from it. While a relationship does involve two people, the truth is, both of you are on your own individual journey. So, when things aren't going the way you want, it will greatly serve you to do one or all of the following three secrets:
1. Keep your focus on the outcome you prefer. When we’re engaged in a disagreement with our partner, usually what we’re seeking is to be seen, heard and understood. However, when we can pull back, disengage and simply see things working out the way we prefer, we have a much better chance of articulating what we want in a way that’ll ultimately work out for the best.
2. Take responsibility. I have a no-blame policy when working with my clients on their relationship challenges. Though this can be tough to hear, taking responsibility for our role in how things are playing out is a total game changer! Many years ago, I dated a man who would constantly look at other women. A spiritual mentor of mine shared with me that I attracted this person so he could teach me about my self-worth. Initially, I was annoyed by his statement. But, shortly after, it became clear that my low self-worth was what drew me to a person like that. I broke up with him and within months met my soul-mate. Taking responsibility puts us in the driver seat of our relationship, as well as our lives.
3. Stay in your high vibration. You may be thinking, "How can I maintain a high vibration if I’m in a low vibration situation?" This is about learning how to leverage an amazing tool that you have within, and that’s your energy. I have used this process time and time again, and its literally like having a magic wand. You can probably sense when a disagreement is going nowhere. That’s your cue to shift and raise your vibration. Walk away and think of something that makes you feel good, no matter what it is. By doing so, you’ll no longer be an energetic match for discord. There’s something incredibly profound in releasing a less than ideal experience. Every time I’ve put this step into practice, it’s worked like a charm!
What's so awesome about these secrets is, you often don't have to say a word to the other person! We often get thrown off course because we feel our partners should be responsible for our happiness. While there are things we'd love for our partners to do, and how we want them to be, our happiness should never depend on them.
These three secrets have created a deeper level of joy, freedom and connection in my own relationship, as well as those of my clients. They’ve learned how to be the magic of their relationship, and it is my highest intention that they do the same for you!